Class last night was...interesting. If I'm being completely honest, it was the first time that I could not wait for class to get over. I went into last night with strong intention, a clear mind, a clear heart, and open eyes that were ready to learn from a new instructor.
I got there early, selected my spot, and began to ground myself. A few of us talked and provided feedback to newcomers who were unfamiliar with the studio and class set-up. My mind stayed quiet and I was excited to learn from this new teacher. Class began. That’s when it all went wrong. There was no plan. There was no structure. There was no real flow. It threw me off and clashed with my practice needs. For the first time, I felt “ahead” in class and could anticipate the next asana. I felt stronger and able to hold the poses longer without much direction or positioning. To some that would be great. For me and my purpose, it didn't work. I want to learn. I want to be challenged. We finished our hour with a chant and collective “Namasté”, and I rolled my mat as quickly as I could. I thanked our teacher and set out into the frigid night.
As I collected myself in my car, I instantly let the frustration take over and the usual smile and glow was replaced with a grimace. And a desire to go to Taco Bell. I know. Don’t judge.
I sat on the floor in my living room consuming disgusting nachos and Diet Pepsi and thinking to myself that the night was a total waste. I thought of the book that I’m slowly peeling through and how I could have been reading it. I thought about the piles of laundry that could have been folded. I thought about my storage unit and how I could have cleaned it out to organize my chaos. And then I heard someone screaming.
“It wasn't a total waste, you idiot!!!!!!!!!!”
The “me” I’m trying to become obviously had something to say. The “me” I’m trying to overcome obviously had something to learn.
My night wasn't a total waste. I might not have gotten out of class what I had hoped for or wanted, but I was able to take a step closer to finding my own practice. Too often we fixate on what went wrong or what didn't meet our expectations, when all along we should be focusing on the new path that little misstep is now leading us on.
If you’re also thinking about what kind of practice is best for you, maybe you’ll find the following guide helpful, too.