Monday, January 19, 2015

The Flow of Meditation

I knew yesterday would be off.  I knew it because I didn't wake up until 11:30 am, and groggily sat in confinement until I legitimately woke up around 12:15.  My body was not feeling it.  Though I managed to get what needed to be done checked off of my list, I felt really unproductive and restless. The words from a recent conversation ran through my head, as did the song They Move On Never Ending Tracks of Light by This Will Destroy You.  Well, not so much the "song" but the melody. The song is listed in my playlist there to the right-hand side and it is definitely a favorite.  I couldn't shake it even if I wanted to.

It begins beautifully, simply, and growing.  It's steady, calming, yet energizing.  Then, as it begins to build, something in me happens.  Whatever I'm doing or thinking about becomes accelerated and excited.  And as the music changes, the rhythm evolves, and the tune become so much more than the gorgeous guitar, the distractions come into play.  There are the little twitches, squeaks, clicks, and creaks.  And they're just subtle enough that you probably don't pay them any attention, yet obvious enough that they take the song completely off course.  And it's good.  That kind of diversion is awesome.

Because of my off day, I knew my nighttime routine was far more valuable than on any other regular day.  Though I can handle meditation on my own without much to keep me focused, I truly, honestly, passionately love my musically supported meditation.  I like imagining that my mantra are the lyrics to this beautiful song.  And, to me, they are.

Tonight, the lyrics rang out, I guard my heart.

It's a constant thing to go through when you're single and actively dating to go through the frustrating ebbs and flows of relationships.  The emotions of it.  The frustration of loss.  It's been a constant theme of mine since this fall and I'm working to regain myself and my heart.  So the I guard my heart has more of the "be careful" and "be cautious" undertones than what you might have initially thought.  There's no wall up to guard it.  I want to let people in.

Anyway, as I'm reciting I guard my heart and feeling the swell of the music, the 'lyrics" magically changed to I guide my heart and there was no need to try to get back on track with my initial mantra.

Just as the most beautiful songs steadily grow and evolve into something so magical, so does the rest of life.  The key is to have that adaptive practice to allow you to move on when the bridge changes and the tempo quickens.


**By the way, you should really listen to that playlist if you haven't already.  I should update it with the newer songs that I'm in love with, but it really has some great stuff on it!**

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